Male vs. Female

We just don’t view things the same way. My view of life and what makes up life is my view, though it’s remarkably similiar to that of other women. Not everyone has the same view. Take men, please.

It’s time to put on my combination sexist, humorist hat and reveal the true differences between the sexes.

Male and female, God created us. We’re different, despite laws that try to treat us the same. Go to any concert hall with an equal number of men and women, and the line to the women’s rest room is always longer.

We’re different and we see things differently. Don’t believe me? Ask your nearest opposite sex person to describe a “thingy”

Female: “Any part under the hood of a car.”
Male: “The strap fastener on a bra.”

See the difference? It’s in the genes.

OK, try another. Ask your nearest opposite sex person to describe and define “vulnerability.”

Female: “The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s life partner.”
Male: “Playing any contact sport without a cup.”

This could go on forever, right? Unfortunately, it does, it has. There’s no stopping to not notice the difference between the sexes.

Need yet another example? How about this? How do men and women view “flatulence” (look it up if you have to, guys)?

Female: “An embarassing by product of improper digestion.”
Male: “An endless source of self-expression entertainment, and male bonding.”

This is one I’ve actually heard from my parents. What’s a remote control to you?

Female: “A device for changing from one TV channel to another TV channel.”
Male: “A device for scanning through all 175 cable channels every three minutes.”

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Had enough fun? Let’s try a different twist. Are objects male or female? Here’s a few examples to try on your friends.

Tire – male, because it goes bald and becomes overinflated.

Kidney – female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

Shoe – male, because it’s usually not polished, and the tongue often hangs out.

Copier – female, because, once it’s turned off, it takes awhile to warm up, it’s an effective reproduction device when the right buttons are pushed, and it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

Ziplock bag – male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Got a few of your own? I thought so.